We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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