At least make sure they are 18
Why
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize