It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
