So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
