I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
