My balls are so social today.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize