So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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