I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
