Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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