Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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