You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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