told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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