...so i touched it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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