What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
