Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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