first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
