you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
