why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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