margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize