I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
