Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
