Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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