i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
