i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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