i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
