My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
