Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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