Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
