dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
