We're like a lot better than the average bears
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You're like the curious george of whores
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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