i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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