Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize