you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize