so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
