So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
