Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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