I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
