it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
