just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize