A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
