There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
