we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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