She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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