dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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