Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Randomize