I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
