i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
