yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
