next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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