I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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