Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
