What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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