Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You surviving the open bar?
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
