Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
