$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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