i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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