I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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