It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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