He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
