Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
