went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
