no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she peed on how many people?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
