just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
