Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont even know how to be here
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
