And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
