just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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