dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I touched a dick in church today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
