i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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