girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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