i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
