we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize