I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
MIDGETS
????
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
