Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
