i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
