her vagine was all disorganized.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I pour the whiskey from now on
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
