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• (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.

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• (631): View more from New York

  OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester

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• (917): View more from New York City

  just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  God you're perfect.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.

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• (830): View more from Texas

  Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick

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• (619): View more from California

  What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.

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• (510): View more from California

  After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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• (315): View more from New York

  Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out

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