bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
