hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
