yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
