He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
