thus making me awesome and them whores
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
