just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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