im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
