If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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