I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
