Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
