Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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