i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
