omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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