my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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