Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
