So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
jump out the window naked night went bad
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