Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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