oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Congratulations! We have a period
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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