you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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