You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
