I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
