If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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