I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
