Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
