angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
