Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
