Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
