My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
