I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
