CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
