JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize