So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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