So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
