i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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