I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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